Depression

[Izzy]

2 hours ago, Finnegan said:

How the ****ing **** do you just turn off the ****ing cortisol and adrenaline taps for just two ****ing minutes to relax and be at peace? I swear to ****ing God. 

 

I swear if your answer is mindfulness or meditation I will find you irl and bleed on your lawn. 

Well, maybe start of by asking yourself "What is it exactly that I'm frightened/scared of?"

 

If you're running constantly high levels of adrenaline and cortisol, then your body is perceiving some sort of threat - from somewhere or someone.

 

So what's threatening you so much that you're constantly in 'fight, flight or freeze' mode?

 

It's usually our environment which dictates our focus and physiology, so I'm guessing your'e thinking something bad is going to happen. 

 

What is it Finners?

[Erinjack]

5 hours ago, Finnegan said:

 

There are almost certainly support groups out there for people living with bipolar family members, even if it's just forums or reddits or something. 

 

Don't write off counsellors though. They're a bit like any professional, some might be toss, but most know what they're doing. They'll know a hell of a lot more about bipolar than you do at the moment and that's not a bad start. 

 

Learn as much as you can, it can be cathartic. It can also help you have a space free of judgement to just have a rant. 

 

I've just started with a therapist in private practice. Two sessions so far. First I was in bits, had me in tears four or five times, dissected my life completely artfully like she'd seen it a hundred times before. Not dismissive at all, just understanding. 

 

Second session I almost felt underwhelmed because all I did was go in and rant for a bit and she just listened. 

 

It'll be whatever you need out of it. 

 

I get what you are saying but the fact is I have to deal with the missus having it and I don't see what me talking to somebody can achieve. It doesn't alter the fact that we are in this situation and it can't be changed. I just have to adapt and I have been more understanding than I was and things are slightly better than 6 months ago.

[Buce]

On ‎27‎/‎07‎/‎2017 at 18:36, Erinjack said:

Does anyone have any experience with bi-polar?  My wife has been diagnosed with it and it's f***ing hard to deal with. Almost gets unbearable at times but I plod on. Just wondering if anyone else has been through a similar situation and can offer any advice.

 

On ‎27‎/‎07‎/‎2017 at 19:50, Erinjack said:

The missus keeps suggesting I get counselling but I don't know what it will achieve. I know the issue and I have to live with it. You literally never know what you will wake up to though. I can see why it's a 95% divorce rate or something like that. I'd rather talk to somebody in the same boat rather than a counsellor/doctor.

 

1 hour ago, Erinjack said:

I get what you are saying but the fact is I have to deal with the missus having it and I don't see what me talking to somebody can achieve. It doesn't alter the fact that we are in this situation and it can't be changed. I just have to adapt and I have been more understanding than I was and things are slightly better than 6 months ago.

 

No offence, mate, but the reason you should see the councillor is to give yourself a chance to understand what your wife is going through; then you might look at the situation from a different perspective, instead of the self-absorbed, self-pitying attitude that you currently have to her illness.

 

 

[DJ Barry Hammond]

1 hour ago, Erinjack said:

I get what you are saying but the fact is I have to deal with the missus having it and I don't see what me talking to somebody can achieve. It doesn't alter the fact that we are in this situation and it can't be changed. I just have to adapt and I have been more understanding than I was and things are slightly better than 6 months ago.

 

Still go... I reckon you'll be suprised what you get out of it.

 

The situation you have will be as tough on you mentally as it will be to her, there will be times where you will resent her for what's happening despite you knowing deep down how unfair that is - therefore it will be good to have that support network in place for you now, because sooner or later you will need it. You will get to a point where you feel overwhelmed and ponder "who's looking after me?"

[Erinjack]

14 minutes ago, Buce said:

 

 

 

No offence, mate, but the reason you should see the councillor is to give yourself a chance to understand what your wife is going through; then you might look at the situation from a different perspective, instead of the self-absorbed, self-pitying attitude that you currently have to her illness.

 

 

I appreciate she is suffering with something that she can't really help but please don't call me self-pitying. I asked on here to see if somebody was in a similar situation. I've gave very vague indications of our circumstances and you seem to think that I'm making this all about myself. You would not believe the sacrifices I have made for My wife and her illness. I love her and do everything I can for her, was just trying to see if anyone was in the same situation. I wasn't expecting a pat on the back and being told it's not your fault mate.

[DJ Barry Hammond]

37 minutes ago, Buce said:

 

 

 

No offence, mate, but the reason you should see the councillor is to give yourself a chance to understand what your wife is going through; then you might look at the situation from a different perspective, instead of the self-absorbed, self-pitying attitude that you currently have to her illness.

 

 

 

Buce - this is a bit unfair.

[DJ Barry Hammond]

6 hours ago, Finnegan said:

How the ****ing **** do you just turn off the ****ing cortisol and adrenaline taps for just two ****ing minutes to relax and be at peace? I swear to ****ing God. 

 

I swear if your answer is mindfulness or meditation I will find you irl and bleed on your lawn. 

 

Might be worth having a look at your diet, especially later in the evening. More water / less sugar intake could help.

 

And try reading a book. It is not only a quite and relaxing activity in itself (assuming appropriate subject content) it can help switch your brain to focus on just the one thing.

[Finnegan]

1 hour ago, DJ Barry Hammond said:

 

Might be worth having a look at your diet, especially later in the evening. More water / less sugar intake could help.

 

And try reading a book. It is not only a quite and relaxing activity in itself (assuming appropriate subject content) it can help switch your brain to focus on just the one thing.

 

My diet is I'm not eating anything because my stomach is in nots. I've lost two stone in about a month. 

[Izzy]

22 minutes ago, Finnegan said:

 

My diet is I'm not eating anything because my stomach is in nots. I've lost two stone in about a month. 

You sound just like me before I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis.

 

I too was fuelled with cortisol and adrenaline and losing weight. Dunno about you, but I was also passing quite a lot of blood in my stools.

 

Eventually I needed emergency surgery to remove my large intestine because I'd left it too late. I still maintain 15 years on that it was the stress that led to my burnout and it literally 'ate me up inside'.

 

I hope you don't end up going down the same path that I did...

 

P.S. I'm still curious as to your answer to my previous reply to you mate

Edited 28 July 2017 by Izzy Muzzett

[Finnegan]

It's relationship stuff. I've been anxious for months but the last two weeks we've been living apart and I've been in a state of near constant intense anxiety. 

 

I've been very difficult to live with for a good six months plus so she's loving it, it's respite for her. But it's fuelling all my problems on a grand scale. 

 

 

 

[srbfox]

For those who read my post a week or two ago here's an update. 

 

After 100hr plus week and being at work from 0630 Monday morning till 3pm Tuesday. (Not on OT). I have taken the decision to hand in my notice, it's a scared thought as I have no job to go into but my marriage, relationship with my daughter and health have all suffered greatly in the past six months. Here goes nothing......

Edited 1 August 2017 by srbfox

[Izzy]

26 minutes ago, srbfox said:

For those who read my post a week or two ago here's an update. 

 

After 100hr plus week and being at work from 0630 Monday morning till 3pm Tuesday. (Not on OT). I have taken the decision to hand in my notice, it's a scared thought as I have no job to go into but my marriage, relationship with my daughter and health have all suffered greatly in the past six months. Here goes nothing......

Good on ya mate - proud of you for taking such a brave step 

 

No job or money is more important than close family relationships and your health.

 

It sounds to me like you've followed your heart and your intuition and done what feels right.

 

Life has a habit of working itself out and I truly believe that everything happens for a reason.

 

I wish you well fella. You've done the difficult bit, now allow the next part of your journey unfold just as it's intended to...

[Buce]

1 hour ago, srbfox said:

For those who read my post a week or two ago here's an update. 

 

After 100hr plus week and being at work from 0630 Monday morning till 3pm Tuesday. (Not on OT). I have taken the decision to hand in my notice, it's a scared thought as I have no job to go into but my marriage, relationship with my daughter and health have all suffered greatly in the past six months. Here goes nothing......

 

Good man.

 

Onwards and upwards.

[Finnegan]

I'm going to shoot the next person I meet that jokes about being ocd. 

[Wymsey]

Are anti-depressants recommended for short-term relief etc?

If so, which ones are best? I look online, via Amazon, for "stress relief" products but not sure on its actual benefits prior to potentially buying some..

Struggle to rest in general amid looking for work and other matters.

Edited 1 August 2017 by Wymeswold fox

[Finnegan]

4 minutes ago, Wymeswold fox said:

Are anti-depressants recommended for short-term relief etc?

If so, which ones are best? I look online, via Amazon, for "stress relief" products but not sure on its actual benefits prior to potentially buying some..

Struggle to rest in general amid looking for work and other matters.

 

Don't be a plonker, Wymsey, go to your GP. 

 

Explain your situation honestly and doing your best to remember they're not going to judge you. 

 

If they do prescribe and antidepressant it'll more than likely be citalopram at a 5, 10 or 20mg dose if it's your first time. 

 

It might make you a bit nauseous for the first day or so and they tend to take a couple of weeks to have much impact. They're not really for short term relief. 

 

There are faster acting mood stabilisers like xanax but they tend to be prescribed for severe anxiety cases and major panic attacks. 

 

I'd really recommend anyone go to their GP as a first port of call though and not start buying false promises off the Internet. 

[Wymsey]

I had Diazapam before via GP (only 5mg) a few years ago, as told him I was struggling to sleep and often got agitated the next morning.

I gave it some time to settle in, but had to stop taking it as felt very groggy in the mornings for a good couple of hours and informed him that I didn't feel 100% alert whilst driving to work etc when the drug was still active in the system.

 

I don't want therapy, prescriptions etc really (though am non'snib' towards either some prefer these routes) - as these feelings are relatively new after being laid-off a few weeks ago (I felt fine in the job despite the stress it involved).

Just feel as if I'm into the 'unknown' etc and no sense of belonging/responsibility and thus impacted on personal confidence and it's hard to change that perception in looking for job opportunities and looking at your phone every 10 minutes to see if there's been any calls from prospective employers etc.

Edited 1 August 2017 by Wymeswold fox

[ajthefox]

Not been on here since I shared a while back. Started feeling myself go yesterday but managed to avoid a downward spiral and settled down after a while. Thanks to everyone who replied and @Watson for his message of support/friendship IRL.

 

I don't know how much posting in here helped but I feel like I'm finding it a bit easier to talk about it now and accept it, and I think thats slowly helping. No professional involved at the minute.

 

I'm not so good at individual replies but I want to show my support for everyone in here who is struggling with whatever it is they are struggling with. @Erinjack, @Wymeswold fox, @Finnegan & @srbfox, I'm pulling for you all just like everyone else in the thread is.

 

 

@Izzy Muzzett you're a saint, I don't know how you find it in you to re-assure and comfort so many people. Hope you're taking care of yourself and yours mate.

 

This is the best thread on here by a long way, and that is thanks to everyone's contributions. keep sharing people 

Edited 1 August 2017 by ajthefox

[Lionator]

3 hours ago, srbfox said:

For those who read my post a week or two ago here's an update. 

 

After 100hr plus week and being at work from 0630 Monday morning till 3pm Tuesday. (Not on OT). I have taken the decision to hand in my notice, it's a scared thought as I have no job to go into but my marriage, relationship with my daughter and health have all suffered greatly in the past six months. Here goes nothing......

Well done mate, brave step but I'm sure you've done the right thing for both yourself and your family. There's a lot more to life than 33 hour work days! 

[Lionator]

I posted my story on here a few months ago around Christmas when I was going through a particular low point and ever since it's been very much a case of 2 steps forward, 1.99 steps backwards. I finished university with a 2.1, I managed to get through my final term without having a complete meltdown although I often needed alcohol to help me sleep when I was especially anxious, something I haven't had to do since the night of the Manchester bombing. Doing a bit of personal reflection tonight and I realise that while life is ok, I'm still going through the motions, I believe I'm clinically depressed, I get little pleasure out of activities I should be enjoying and I have a real lack of motivation issue multiplied by the fact I have no sodding idea what I want to do with my life. Add to that I have suicidal ideations which I 99.999999% believe I would never act on, however are still troubling. From my experience NHS MH care really is in a bad place at the moment, I've had IAPT treatment twice since I turned 18 and to be honest it's totally pointless, reading this forum for half an hour will do more to make you feel better. I'm currently weighing up whether it's worth saving up for private counselling as I need to talk to someone about things that I just couldn't talk to my family about as it would break them. My girlfriend fortunately is a star, I can talk to her about everything and she's cool about it all and is very supportive but there's only so much she can do by listening and realistically it's not fair on her to pick up the pieces all the time. Anyway, keep talking guys and girls, you're all great! 

[Izzy]

2 hours ago, Lionator said:

I posted my story on here a few months ago around Christmas when I was going through a particular low point and ever since it's been very much a case of 2 steps forward, 1.99 steps backwards. I finished university with a 2.1, I managed to get through my final term without having a complete meltdown although I often needed alcohol to help me sleep when I was especially anxious, something I haven't had to do since the night of the Manchester bombing. Doing a bit of personal reflection tonight and I realise that while life is ok, I'm still going through the motions, I believe I'm clinically depressed, I get little pleasure out of activities I should be enjoying and I have a real lack of motivation issue multiplied by the fact I have no sodding idea what I want to do with my life. Add to that I have suicidal ideations which I 99.999999% believe I would never act on, however are still troubling. From my experience NHS MH care really is in a bad place at the moment, I've had IAPT treatment twice since I turned 18 and to be honest it's totally pointless, reading this forum for half an hour will do more to make you feel better. I'm currently weighing up whether it's worth saving up for private counselling as I need to talk to someone about things that I just couldn't talk to my family about as it would break them. My girlfriend fortunately is a star, I can talk to her about everything and she's cool about it all and is very supportive but there's only so much she can do by listening and realistically it's not fair on her to pick up the pieces all the time. Anyway, keep talking guys and girls, you're all great! 

Well done on finishing Uni without having a complete meltdown mate  FWIW, I reckon a good % of the adult population need alcohol to help them sleep, so you're definitely not on your own there my friend.

 

I'm sure most of us who contribute on this thread can empathise with what you say about 'going through the motions'. For me anyway, life is just one great big mutherfvcking motion to go through.

 

Your suicidal thoughts are only thoughts (not reality) and I too have them from time to time. But like you, I would never act on them. If you believe you are clinically depressed, have you had this confirmed? And if so, are you on any medication for it?

 

If it's any consolation, I'm about 25 years older than you and still have no sodding idea what I really want to do with my life. I'd suggest most people if they were honest with themselves would probably say the same.

 

I've had private counselling sessions on many separate occasions and have just finished my latest course. They definitely help me and I pay £40 for each hour session which isn't cheap, but well worth it for me. I just benefit from talking to a stranger who lets me download and get stuff off my chest that I couldn't share with friends or family.

 

I'm sure your girlfriend doesn't feel like she's picking up your pieces. In fact she probably feels valuable and useful in the fact you can talk to her about everything. That's pretty rare so you've found a good un their mate - get a ring on her finger quick!!

 

And keep posting on here and update us on your progress. We're all in the same boat and going through the same shit, so always remember that you're not alone. 

 

[urban.spaceman]

Thought I was getting better. I was wrong. Back down to 10%. Bugger. 

[spacemunky]

9 minutes ago, urban.spaceman said:

Thought I was getting better. I was wrong. Back down to 10%. Bugger. 

What happened with taking a trip? 

[Izzy]

3 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

Thought I was getting better. I was wrong. Back down to 10%. Bugger. 

I'm not sure we ever get better and then just stay better mate. For me it's just a series of up and downs, peaks and troughs.

 

Some days are good, some days are ok and some days are really shit. Our experience of how we view the world and our situation can change minute by minute, hour by hour.

 

The worry is staying in those downs/troughs (10%) for a sustained amount of time and seeing no way out of it. Then out of the blue something good happens and we're back up again.

 

I'm just trying to give up wanting to be in control of it all. The more I try and control life, the more difficult it gets.

 

So I'm trying to adopt a 'fvck it' attitude to life and just accept it will be a rollercoaster of emotions.

 

I hope you have a better day today - at least 50% and I consider it a good day for me...

[Crinklyfox]

11 hours ago, Lionator said:

I posted my story on here a few months ago around Christmas when I was going through a particular low point and ever since it's been very much a case of 2 steps forward, 1.99 steps backwards. I finished university with a 2.1, I managed to get through my final term without having a complete meltdown although I often needed alcohol to help me sleep when I was especially anxious, something I haven't had to do since the night of the Manchester bombing. Doing a bit of personal reflection tonight and I realise that while life is ok, I'm still going through the motions, I believe I'm clinically depressed, I get little pleasure out of activities I should be enjoying and I have a real lack of motivation issue multiplied by the fact I have no sodding idea what I want to do with my life. Add to that I have suicidal ideations which I 99.999999% believe I would never act on, however are still troubling. From my experience NHS MH care really is in a bad place at the moment, I've had IAPT treatment twice since I turned 18 and to be honest it's totally pointless, reading this forum for half an hour will do more to make you feel better. I'm currently weighing up whether it's worth saving up for private counselling as I need to talk to someone about things that I just couldn't talk to my family about as it would break them. My girlfriend fortunately is a star, I can talk to her about everything and she's cool about it all and is very supportive but there's only so much she can do by listening and realistically it's not fair on her to pick up the pieces all the time. Anyway, keep talking guys and girls, you're all great! 

As Izzy said we all have ups and downs but you've just moved from a long term situation where your goal was clearly defined (uni, get a degree) to one where you must set your own goals.

 

If you are depressed then goal setting is probably hard, however if you can give yourself some meaningful small short term goals then you will get a sense of achievement when you fulfil them and that should make you feel better.  Stuff like review job boards (even if that feels pointless, you never know what you'll find), get thirty minutes exercise (produces endorphin which can improve your outlook) can make a difference.

 

Suicidal thoughts accompany a feeling of hopelessness and your situation is far from hopeless.  You've spent over 99% of the days of your life not feeling suicidal, no point throwing your life away for the other 1%.  That's what I told myself at my lowest point, plus I had a wife and family to damage if I packed it all in.  Stay strong and please keep posting.