Giving up Alcohol

[BenTheFox]

I've decided that I want to give up drinking or at very least, cut down significantly. As someone that has had issues with mental health, I often used it is a coping mechanism but it's counterproductive as it makes me feel absolutely horrendous the next day. I also have the issue that once I start I find it really difficult to stop and I don't just get drunk, I get absolutely annihilated. 

 

I'm a little bit anxious about how I'm going to cope being in situations where everyone else is drinking and I'm completely sober and I can't help but think that I will be missing out. Has anyone here given up drinking and how do they feel about it? Any advice? 

Edited 6 July 2021 by BenTheFox

[Buce]

 

I gave up about 40 years ago, for similar reasons.

 

I've never regretted it but I will confess that I replaced one social crutch for another by beginning a lifelong association with weed; the difference is that alcohol brought out the worst in me whereas weed brings out the best in me.

Edited 6 July 2021 by Buce

[Izzy]

 

@BenTheFox I'm always wary of coming across a bit 'preachy' when this subject arises so please forgive me (but you did ask!)

 

I drank heavily and excessively pretty much every day for about 25 years then stopped on Oct 1st 2017 and I haven't touched a drop since then. I've suffered from mental health issues in the past and still suffer from physical health restrictions and complications now. I think alcohol probably played a role in both.

 

When I stopped drinking I decided to let close friends and family know my reasons why. I got the standard "surely you'll be fine if you just have one" type of response but then after a while people got bored of asking. I freely admit I was addicted and dependent, so going cold turkey was the only option for me. I'm an 'all of nothing' type of person I guess.

 

IMHO you've got nothing absolutely to be anxious about and you may actually find yourself enjoying social situations more rather than feeling you're missing out. I find it amusing now watching people get progressively more pissed, even louder, repeating themselves, and then doing/saying something they regret - that was me. My advice is to immediately find something to replace drinking. For me it was the gym and this has helped both my mental and physical health. I feel fitter and stronger as I'm getting older and the added bonus is more cash and no hangovers.

 

I'll never criticize anyone for drinking and some of my best days ever were all day sessions following Leicester. But I've been there, done that, and life is different now. I wish you well and maybe @Alf Bentley can also come along and share his words of wisdom.

 

 

Edited 7 July 2021 by Izzy

[tom27111]

I cut down massively due to mental health too. I still like a beer and occasionally I'll still have a couple more than I should, but nowhere near as much as I used to.

 

It's easy to think the answer to all of your problems are at the bottom of a bottle.

 

All about moderation.

 

One of my mates will have a half pint, then ask for a pint glass and a non-alcoholic beer, like a Beck's Blue, then mix them together.

 

Feels like you're having a beer, but it's like a shandy really.

 

It isn't cutting out completely, but it'll be a way to help cut down.

 

Good luck mate, I know it can be hard.

 

 

[David Hankey]

A lot of this is to do with moderation and self-will. Throughout my adult life I have always enjoyed a pint and although I used to drink quite heavily on occasions in my younger days I can now go easily for weeks on end without having the urge to one. I can never envisaged not having a drink in the future. Perhaps I am one of the lucky ones.

[Balj]

I gave up 11 months ago as I was getting fed up with using it to cope and then feeling even crapper physically and mentally afterwards.  I do miss it on occasion especially when out but I don’t get hung up about it or apologise for it.  I’m quite happy to say I’m not drinking at the moment and have a soft drink or a zero alcohol beer - some of my friends who I would meet for a boozy lunch or dinner have been noticeably down on invitations to do the same without booze but hey that’s probably telling me more about our friendship than anything else.

 

Great positives that I’ve taken are that my close relationships are way better as no danger of drinking too much and being an idiot, quality of sleep is simply outstanding!, left me more time to enjoy things rather than use them as a vehicle for a ‘session’ and I’m seriously fitter and healthier.

 

I don’t see myself drinking regularly again.

 

Good luck to you - best wishes.

 

 

[grobyfox1990]

13 hours ago, BenTheFox said:

I've decided that I want to give up drinking or at very least, cut down significantly. As someone that has had issues with mental health, I often used it is a coping mechanism but it's counterproductive as it makes me feel absolutely horrendous the next day. I also have the issue that once I start I find it really difficult to stop and I don't just get drunk, I get absolutely annihilated. 

 

I'm a little bit anxious about how I'm going to cope being in situations where everyone else is drinking and I'm completely sober and I can't help but think that I will be missing out. Has anyone here given up drinking and how do they feel about it? Any advice? 

Good luck. I was never a massive boozer but was having 2 or 3 pints every night when i was working long hours, then a proper booze up every weekend. No bad event happened to me, but i realised i had to start cutting down when i moved to a job with mopre normal hours. I only drink on Fridays and Saturdays now, and 3 out of 4 weeks keep it to under 14 units a week.

 

First few weeks were hard and the peer pressure was immense, i remember one night 4 friends literally circled me in a pub and gave me a 40 minute inquisition about why im not boozing. But as time goes on it became completely normal, would not even think of drinking weeknights now. I went to the game yesterday with 4 others, each of them had 8 heinekens each, i was dry, didnt bother me at all, had a great time.

 

Just stay disciplined and stick to your guns.

[Footballwipe]

I spoke about my injured knee in another thread a while ago, and since then, until Saturday, I think I was using alcohol it as a coping mechanism.

 

I'd never get wasted, but I'd go multiple consecutive days with a drink, then wake up the next day in my attempt to walk and exercise whilst my knee tried to heal. Thankfully a couple of weeks ago it healed and I'm back to running, but the drink continued as a habit.

 

Then on Saturday I misjudged what I was drinking, got plastered and spent Sunday feeling absolutely horrific. As horrible as it was it jolted me. Gave me a reset. I've not drunk since Saturday night and that sounds not long at all, but for the last few months I'd never have gone three days without a drink.

 

I still want to drink and have a healthy relationship with alcohol, I still want a couple of pints before games, when with friends etc, but I don't want to go back to it just yet. It shouldn't get me through stuff, it should be an optional supplement to a nice time. And I definitely need to stop drinking alone.

 

Really nice to read people's experiences though. When I'd sit there and think about my intake and worry it was just a "me thing" but it really isn't.

[Crinklyfox]

In my younger days I used to drink regularly, occasionally to excess.  I never considered that there would be any consequences to my drinking habits.  Then in one of my early jobs I was asked to take over a contract for a few days while the chap who was running it was off sick.  He came back a few days later and we worked together until he was able to get back up to speed.  We chatted and he told me that he had been off because of a drink problem.  He did look ill - pasty face, overweight, hair thinning rapidly.  I guessed that he was in his mid thirties but it turned out he was 23.  He explained that he had liver and other issues.  We discussed how much we each drank - I'd have 3 or 4 pints on an evening usually while playing darts.  He said he wished he could get back to that - he had gradually increased his alcohol intake as his body became accustomed to it and to even get a little tipsy he'd drink 7 or 8 pints on a weekday, but if he was 'really having a drink' he'd go through 23 or 24 pints on a Friday or Saturday.

 

So for the first time in my life I'd come face to face with the consequences of drinking to excess.  It stayed with me and afterwards I'd still drink, but less frequently and rarely to excess.

[Alf Bentley]

13 hours ago, BenTheFox said:

I've decided that I want to give up drinking or at very least, cut down significantly. As someone that has had issues with mental health, I often used it is a coping mechanism but it's counterproductive as it makes me feel absolutely horrendous the next day. I also have the issue that once I start I find it really difficult to stop and I don't just get drunk, I get absolutely annihilated. 

 

I'm a little bit anxious about how I'm going to cope being in situations where everyone else is drinking and I'm completely sober and I can't help but think that I will be missing out. Has anyone here given up drinking and how do they feel about it? Any advice? 

 

For decades, to varying extents I drank excessively but stopped 6+ years ago, for now at least. I find it helpful to see it as a continuous positive choice, not a once-and-for all self-ban.

 

I drank less as a coping mechanism, more as a habit and a means of combating boredom & creating excitement. But I absolutely relate to your comment that once you start you find it hard to stop and get annihilated. That was my core problem.

Some people do manage to eliminate that problem by just cutting down. But an awful lot find that stopping entirely is the only way of controlling it. I spent decades sporadically trying to control my intake by countless different means, but the only thing that ever worked long-term was stopping.

 

I came to believe that the chemical change in my brain after a few drinks affected my judgment meaning that, unless something else stopped me, I'd keep drinking more than I intended. I never set out to get annihilated, to have awful hangovers, to upset people, to make an arse of myself or whatever. I actively wanted NOT to do that.....yet time after time it happened. I think maybe I really enjoyed getting high - and found it depressing to stop and start sobering up.

 

In the unlikely event that you're drinking a lot every day, it's best to speak to your GP as simply going cold turkey can be very dangerous if you've developed a physical, as opposed to psychological dependency - might require a few days under hospital supervision. Your comments suggest this doesn't apply to you, but it might apply to others.

 

Tackling a problem with excessive drinking is a very individual thing. What works for one person won't work for another. So, you probably need to work out what really matters to you in life and why you drink in a way you're unhappy with.....and it sounds as if you've already been thinking about that. Thinking like that should help you work out methods of addressing the problem - whether to stop or control, how to replace the positives of drinking, how to motivate yourself to make changes - and how to maintain those changes once memories of bad experiences start fading.

 

I'd echo what @Izzysaid about the importance of finding something to replace the excess drinking - and to ensure you see the change as positive overall. Because, while you'll hopefully be losing a lot of bad experiences, you'll also be losing some fun ones, so it matters that you feel you've got a good new deal overall. If you end up feeling you're just depriving yourself, you risk going back to old routines. It's up to you what you replace the drinking with, but you'll have the opportunity as you'll find you have more money, more time and more energy. Could be gym/sport, going to away matches, travel, reading/study, a new project, more quality time with family/friends or simply an awareness that you're saving up money for the future.

 

I think it's important to have that sort of positive motivation from the start. Otherwise, there's a real risk that any attempt to stop or cut down will only last a few days or weeks, as you won't see it as a positive change but as self-deprivation. Longer-term, I think it's also important to keep challenging your own thinking. I relapsed multiple times after 2-6 months because I started having pleasant memories of good times boozing (and there were good times) with memories of the bad times having faded. Eventually, I learned to challenge those thoughts - to consciously remind myself of the bad times and of the positive benefits of the change overall (better health, more cash, more free time, getting more done, less stress, not upsetting people or making an arse of myself and, yes, having more fun, even if there was less wild excitement).

 

Re. coping with situations where others are drinking, I avoided going into pubs for a few weeks when  I first stopped. But I was soon happy to go in them to meet friends who were drinking, watch football, see bands or whatever. If meeting the same people regularly, then I find it boring to stay too long if they get gradually pissed and start chatting shite and cracking jokes that are hilarious after 5 pints but not when you're sober. But it doesn't bother me if I've not seen them for a while - or if there's something else of interest going on, like TV football or a band. I'm an old git in his 50s now and was always a contrary bloke, so peer pressure isn't an issue for me - though it might have been when I was in my 20s. If that's the case for you, might it be worth explaining your situation in advance to a particularly good mate, someone who's likely to support you if others in a social situation start asking why you're not drinking, encouraging you to "just have a couple" or whatever?

 

Good luck, whatever you decide - and don't get discouraged if you don't solve the problem immediately. The more you try, the more you learn (even if I was a very slow learner! )

[goose2010]

never a better time to do it. If you want to go down the non-alcoholic beer / spirt route that is. Its currently the biggest raising Food & Beverage market its absolutely booming currently. 

 

not sure what you like to drink but check out this website it is great www.lightdrinks.co.uk 

 

I no longer drink at home i will only drink 0.5's as it gives you that beer like taste and feel. 

 

Can recommend 

Beavertown Brewery Lazer Crush

Lervig No Worries Mango

Tiny Rebel Clwb Tropica 

Adnams Ghost Ship

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[CosbehFox]

I’ve cut down significantly since lockdown. Social situations I generally ask for a Shandy or I go for a non alcoholic - (sounds daft but even the action of holding a bottle stops the social anxiety of it) 

[Kopic]

I was very much like you in the sense that once I started I would keep drinking until I effectively passed out, usually on my own at home sat watching TV. Most days in the week I would do it. I remember posting on a thread on here, about a year ago, maybe longer, about it being a Monday night, no special event, no sports, and I was on my 12th beer with no intention of stopping, in that moment I felt such shame but it didn't stop me. I decided to do dry January this year, but kept telling myself and my family the plan was to cut down and I wouldn't be upset with myself if I had a few at some point. It was very hard to begin with, but the longer I went, the more determined I was to see it through, and I managed it for the first time since I stated drinking. I lost about a stone in weight, slept a lot better and felt great going into work without a hangover. 

 

I used that as motivation to cut down. I haven't stopped entirely, but whereas before I'd have 10+ beers pretty much every night, I'll now have some nights with none, and some nights I'll have a couple. What helped me most was finding non alcoholic beers that I actually liked, so when I feel in the mood to go too far again I swap to them and it's great. Ive even found myself having only non alcoholic beers during the evening and not even thinking about it. I still have the odd night where I get absolutely battered, sat at home on my own, but it's gone from several times a week to once or twice a month. My plan is to stop entirely, but having grown up around alcohol, and with every family event based on it, it's hard, but I feel I am getting closer to taking the plunge. In the meantime I'm happy with my progress and definitely happy with the results.

 

Good luck to you! I didn't think I could do it and the thought scared me, but it does get easier.

Edited 7 July 2021 by Kopic

[Manini]

Echo what others have said about non-alcoholic beers nowadays. There’s some really, really tasty ones about. It’s a lot different to years ago when it was becks blue and bavaria 0% and that was your lot. 
 

I really enjoy the taste and feel of drinking a beer, so switching out to non-alcoholic ones at home really made a difference for me - and then when I go out it’s more with the intention of just tasting nice, sometimes new, alcoholic beers, rather than just going out to sink 12 pints as fast as I can - almost like a treat. I do still keep the odd few cans/bottles of % lagers in the house, but not as many as I used to. 

[Dr The Singh]

I used to drink alot, got really fat etc etc.  I've just put mind over matter, and can with not only alcohol live life in moderation of all the bad stuff.

 

It's probably taken me 15 years to be able to control myself to be fair.

[Dr The Singh]

One thing that did help was making sure I am enjoying what I'm doing and not for the sake of it.

 

So I will only drink alcohol I enjoy and eat food I will enjoy.  But before for eg, I would go to a wedding and drink stupid amounts of crap lager and eat loads of food that was below par.

[Kopfkino]

17 hours ago, BenTheFox said:

I've decided that I want to give up drinking or at very least, cut down significantly. As someone that has had issues with mental health, I often used it is a coping mechanism but it's counterproductive as it makes me feel absolutely horrendous the next day. I also have the issue that once I start I find it really difficult to stop and I don't just get drunk, I get absolutely annihilated. 

 

I'm a little bit anxious about how I'm going to cope being in situations where everyone else is drinking and I'm completely sober and I can't help but think that I will be missing out. Has anyone here given up drinking and how do they feel about it? Any advice? 

I barely drank over the last year since the first lockdown. And I felt superb, and now when I do drink I realise how much it does affect you and long to feel superb again.  I did want to cut out any drinking session and only drink a little amount just to enjoy the taste (I love trying beers and red wines for their flavours rather than the effect of alcohol). 

On your latter point, I’ve found it really hard dealing with social occasions so I’ve failed to cut down to the extent I wanted but I drink less on those occasions and so it’s still a win. On social occasions I just found myself getting moody and fed up surrounded by people who are drinking whilst staying sober. It gets really ****ing tedious so now I drink to not have to suffer drunk people but I don’t have problem controlling my level, idk how to advise someone that does

 

The solution for me is to spend less time with friends with whom drinking is central to our interactions and more time with friends where we actually do other stuff together. Just got to find some 

 

Edited 7 July 2021 by Kopfkino

[Izzy]

This discussion reminds me of the brilliant Adrian Chiles documentaries 'Drinkers like me' and 'Britain's drink problem'.

 

Here they are if you've not seen them:

 

 

 

Edited 7 July 2021 by Izzy

[Inquisitor]

Thanks for posting those links @Izzy, something I've been looking into for a while as well and given me a kick up the backside to try out.

[DoveValleyFox]

On 06/07/2021 at 19:14, BenTheFox said:

I've decided that I want to give up drinking or at very least, cut down significantly. As someone that has had issues with mental health, I often used it is a coping mechanism but it's counterproductive as it makes me feel absolutely horrendous the next day. I also have the issue that once I start I find it really difficult to stop and I don't just get drunk, I get absolutely annihilated. 

 

I'm a little bit anxious about how I'm going to cope being in situations where everyone else is drinking and I'm completely sober and I can't help but think that I will be missing out. Has anyone here given up drinking and how do they feel about it? Any advice? 

Well done for being able to post this.

 

Please stick with it as you will find a way of moving forward.

 

I can tell you that it is the most liberating thing that you could have done. I have been right at the bottom, alcohol running my life. I was able to stop drinking completely and in time began to enjoy things in a way that I thought had gone forever.

 

You might find that you don't want to be around drunk people anymore, or just find yourself tolerating them less. Alcohol traps you within it's very tight grip and you lose yourself. Don't expect the easiest of rides but you can expect to find new doors opening and to be enjoying things more than before.

 

Try to trust yourself a bit and be open minded with the new you.

 

And of course, your health will improve immediately,  you will have more money and your feelings of self worth and self esteem will improve.

[spacemunky]

Decided yesterday to try to get myself back on track and give up alcohol once again.

 

I had a 7 year stretch where I went without, but it's been on and off(mostly on) for the last few years and particularly excessive recently.

 

Felt better this morning and started the day with a brisk 30 minute walk!

 

 

 

 

Edited 12 July 2021 by spacemunky

[FerrisBueller]

Definitely worth doing, be prepared to find it really hard to be around pissed people though. In my experience that has been the hardest part, pissed people are ****ing annoying. 
 

Admittedly it was probably a bit easier as I was a daily weed smoker, though I have stopped that now (after a good 10-15 years) for other reasons.

 

It’s hard work in England because so much of English culture revolves around drinking, but it’s doable. Plus you get to peruse all the fancy pops in the pubs.

[Daggers]

On 06/07/2021 at 19:14, BenTheFox said:

I've decided that I want to give up drinking or at very least, cut down significantly. As someone that has had issues with mental health, I often used it is a coping mechanism but it's counterproductive as it makes me feel absolutely horrendous the next day. I also have the issue that once I start I find it really difficult to stop and I don't just get drunk, I get absolutely annihilated. 

 

I'm a little bit anxious about how I'm going to cope being in situations where everyone else is drinking and I'm completely sober and I can't help but think that I will be missing out. Has anyone here given up drinking and how do they feel about it? Any advice? 

Good luck fella.

 

I’ve drastically cut down - don’t miss it at all tbh. The problem with being sober is you notice how seriously dull drunk people are. From the daft cackling to the faux bravado, they’re invariably awful.

 

Focus on the positives: the weight you don’t put on, the money you save, the exercise you are able to do, etc. Plus, you don’t need to stay at dull parties as nobody notices a sober person slipping out to enjoy a cracking mug of cocoa while listening to The Archers in bed. See? I’m selling it to you, eh? 

[FoxyPV]

I need this thread.

 

I'm really struggling and booze is too easy.

 

Impacting all aspects of my life

[Izzy]

39 minutes ago, FoxyPV said:

I need this thread.

 

I'm really struggling and booze is too easy.

 

Impacting all aspects of my life

Have you thought about going to a local AA meeting?

 

If you're prepared to give it a go, it could change your life....