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BigGibbo

How Was Your Day?

By BigGibbo, in General Chat

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David Guiza

David Guiza

Posted
Posted

Another disrupted night of sleep thanks to the young boy next door scream crying for an hour whilst his mother shouted back at him. Seems to be happening almost 3 or so times a week now and not really sure what to do. 

 

A few have suggested contacting Social Services, which I think we will do, the only concern is that the parents may/will know it's come from us and then it just makes the future awkward/tense. That said, of course if there is anything wrong then that's not exactly a justifiable reason to ignore it.

 

I don't have any kids so I don't really now if that level of screaming/crying it normal for a 2-3 year old, but it's the lack of compassion from the parents that not only worries me, but also just makes it even more impossible to sleep.

 

Ah the joys of living in a Victorian terraced house.  

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Steve_Walsh5

Steve_Walsh5

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Posted
3 minutes ago, David Guiza said:

Another disrupted night of sleep thanks to the young boy next door scream crying for an hour whilst his mother shouted back at him. Seems to be happening almost 3 or so times a week now and not really sure what to do. 

 

A few have suggested contacting Social Services, which I think we will do, the only concern is that the parents may/will know it's come from us and then it just makes the future awkward/tense. That said, of course if there is anything wrong then that's not exactly a justifiable reason to ignore it.

 

I don't have any kids so I don't really now if that level of screaming/crying it normal for a 2-3 year old, but it's the lack of compassion from the parents that not only worries me, but also just makes it even more impossible to sleep.

 

Ah the joys of living in a Victorian terraced house.  

They could be trying the ‘cry it out method’ if it’s a child that young. I personally wouldn’t do it with my children but I know a lot of people who do. It could be a little concerning though if the mother is shouting back. 

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David Guiza

David Guiza

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Posted
5 minutes ago, Steve_Walsh5 said:

They could be trying the ‘cry it out method’ if it’s a child that young. I personally wouldn’t do it with my children but I know a lot of people who do. It could be a little concerning though if the mother is shouting back. 

Yeah, that was our initial thought but it's the response that is more concerning. 

 

We've got nieces and nephews and our sisters have said that they both have/used to occasionally lose their temper a little and shout back at the kids, which is understandable. But it seems that every time the child cries she shouts back, which isn't particularly pleasant at any time but particularly between 3 and 4am. 

 

As I say though, i'm not a parent so I don't really know what is and isn't common in that respect. Stuck between a rock and hard place of ignoring them and letting them get on with it, but risk avoiding a genuine issue, or reporting to somebody and then risk all the nonsense that comes with that.

 

I may try and speak to the neighbours the other side at some point, just need to work out an opening line that isn't 'are you fed up of the kid next door too?'.

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Raj

Raj

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5 hours ago, David Guiza said:

Yeah, that was our initial thought but it's the response that is more concerning. 

 

We've got nieces and nephews and our sisters have said that they both have/used to occasionally lose their temper a little and shout back at the kids, which is understandable. But it seems that every time the child cries she shouts back, which isn't particularly pleasant at any time but particularly between 3 and 4am. 

 

As I say though, i'm not a parent so I don't really know what is and isn't common in that respect. Stuck between a rock and hard place of ignoring them and letting them get on with it, but risk avoiding a genuine issue, or reporting to somebody and then risk all the nonsense that comes with that.

 

I may try and speak to the neighbours the other side at some point, just need to work out an opening line that isn't 'are you fed up of the kid next door too?'.

As a parent of a 6 and 11 year old we NEVER shouted at the kids when they couldn't sleep as that just increases anxiety in tgem. You need to soothe and calm. If the parents ARE shouting and YOU feel anxious listenin next door just imagine the kids. I'd have a quiet chat with the other neighbors and get a jist of what they think. Next step would perhaps be a chat with social services "Asking for advice on behalf of a friend in this situation!!!"

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David Guiza

David Guiza

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Posted
31 minutes ago, Raj said:

As a parent of a 6 and 11 year old we NEVER shouted at the kids when they couldn't sleep as that just increases anxiety in tgem. You need to soothe and calm. If the parents ARE shouting and YOU feel anxious listenin next door just imagine the kids. I'd have a quiet chat with the other neighbors and get a jist of what they think. Next step would perhaps be a chat with social services "Asking for advice on behalf of a friend in this situation!!!"

Cheers! That's what I think we'll do, just need to find a good moment to speak to the neighbours and go from there.

 

Fingers crossed it's all a fuss over nothing and calms down. I'm getting to old for this lack of sleep, and that's before we've had kids of our own! 

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Alf Bentley

Alf Bentley

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Posted
6 hours ago, David Guiza said:

Yeah, that was our initial thought but it's the response that is more concerning. 

 

We've got nieces and nephews and our sisters have said that they both have/used to occasionally lose their temper a little and shout back at the kids, which is understandable. But it seems that every time the child cries she shouts back, which isn't particularly pleasant at any time but particularly between 3 and 4am. 

 

As I say though, i'm not a parent so I don't really know what is and isn't common in that respect. Stuck between a rock and hard place of ignoring them and letting them get on with it, but risk avoiding a genuine issue, or reporting to somebody and then risk all the nonsense that comes with that.

 

I may try and speak to the neighbours the other side at some point, just need to work out an opening line that isn't 'are you fed up of the kid next door too?'.

 

A long time since my daughter was that age, but I'd say that it is quite common for a kid of 2-3 to have long screaming/crying fits or extended tantrums (day or night) - it is even commonly referred to as "the terrible twos".

As your sisters say, it's also quite normal for a parent to occasionally lose their rag. It's not ideal, but only a saintly parent or a parent with a saintly child will never do it. But "occasionally" is the key word.

The regularity of this sounds as if the mother is struggling to cope (no father / second parent on scene?). Parenting can be hard work - and much more so, I'd imagine, as the single parent of a child who has tantrums in the middle of the night.

 

As Steve_Walsh5 said, it's quite a widely accepted strategy to leave a "terrible twos" child to scream and cry for extended periods with no response, so long as there's no serious cause. Some approve of that, some don't.

Those who approve believe that kids will sometimes use such disruption to maintain continuous control over their parent or insist that their parent is constantly present....no good for anyone long-term. But that's not what's happening, is it?

 

Would it be an option to have a diplomatic word with the mother herself - or any partner? I appreciate that this might be a non-starter if your neighbour is unreasonable or potentially aggressive. I also appreciate that it would be tricky to raise it in a diplomatic way. Worth considering, though? If you were able to start a conversation sympathising with her having to cope with screaming in the night? If she is at all reasonable, she might  feel a bit ashamed that you've obviously heard all the row & be inclined to moderate her response to future screaming - perhaps even being aware of the risk of social services being called. Frankly, it sounds as if she could use some parenting support & guidance - but I suppose her response would have to be exceptionally open for that to be a suitable topic of conversation. I just feel, too, that if a neighbour had a problem with my behaviour, I'd prefer they spoke to me first rather than the authorities - especially about something as sensitive as parenting. :dunno:

 

Talking to the other neighbour to see what they know and think seems a decent idea.

I think your instinct is right, though, that if there is "a genuine issue" it is not the kid screaming, or even a parent occasionally shouting, it's her apparently being constantly unable to deal with it.

 

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David Guiza

David Guiza

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32 minutes ago, Alf Bentley said:

 

A long time since my daughter was that age, but I'd say that it is quite common for a kid of 2-3 to have long screaming/crying fits or extended tantrums (day or night) - it is even commonly referred to as "the terrible twos".

As your sisters say, it's also quite normal for a parent to occasionally lose their rag. It's not ideal, but only a saintly parent or a parent with a saintly child will never do it. But "occasionally" is the key word.

The regularity of this sounds as if the mother is struggling to cope (no father / second parent on scene?). Parenting can be hard work - and much more so, I'd imagine, as the single parent of a child who has tantrums in the middle of the night.

 

As Steve_Walsh5 said, it's quite a widely accepted strategy to leave a "terrible twos" child to scream and cry for extended periods with no response, so long as there's no serious cause. Some approve of that, some don't.

Those who approve believe that kids will sometimes use such disruption to maintain continuous control over their parent or insist that their parent is constantly present....no good for anyone long-term. But that's not what's happening, is it?

 

Would it be an option to have a diplomatic word with the mother herself - or any partner? I appreciate that this might be a non-starter if your neighbour is unreasonable or potentially aggressive. I also appreciate that it would be tricky to raise it in a diplomatic way. Worth considering, though? If you were able to start a conversation sympathising with her having to cope with screaming in the night? If she is at all reasonable, she might  feel a bit ashamed that you've obviously heard all the row & be inclined to moderate her response to future screaming - perhaps even being aware of the risk of social services being called. Frankly, it sounds as if she could use some parenting support & guidance - but I suppose her response would have to be exceptionally open for that to be a suitable topic of conversation. I just feel, too, that if a neighbour had a problem with my behaviour, I'd prefer they spoke to me first rather than the authorities - especially about something as sensitive as parenting. :dunno:

 

Talking to the other neighbour to see what they know and think seems a decent idea.

I think your instinct is right, though, that if there is "a genuine issue" it is not the kid screaming, or even a parent occasionally shouting, it's her apparently being constantly unable to deal with it.

 

Yeah that's the issue really, it's gone beyond occasional. We've been in the house for about 5 months now and it's gone from once a fortnight to 3 times a week in that time. The father is around, but I've never really spoken to either of them beyond hello/goodbye. I get the impression that she doesn't work and he works funny hours, but not certain. That would explain why 80% of the time it's her shouting/dealing with the child and not him anyway. 

Ironically, I went round to their house after we moved in to both introduce myself and apologise for the banging noises (we were putting in floorboards, not christening the house), and the child answered the door and seemed happy as any other kid. Which does indicate that he might just be going through something, and she's not coping.

 

Unfortunately not, as I mentioned the crying/screaming is bad enough but then it's compounded by her shouting back. It's both uncomfortable to listen to and and impossible to sleep through too. I'm sure my parents were similar with me, at times, but we were detached so never had those issues! 

 

I have thought about that, but they are a little 'rough around the edges' for want of a better term. The neighbours to the other side of them seem like more 'our kinda people', so, as you and others have suggested, I think that will be my first port of call and go from there. Then perhaps just try and catch the mum's eye one day and steer the conversation round to her son in some fashion. Totally agree though, I'd also want to hear direct rather than via somebody else/a higher body etc. Parenting seems to be quite a touchy subject though with some parents (particularly the sort in question). I know if somebody said that to my sister she'd unleash hell on them, whereas I'd be quite apologetic, I think.

 

Times like this I do regret being a man, as great as we have it - the pressure of being the one to confront potential burglars, get rid of spiders and have awkward conversations with the neighbours is damn annoying :ph34r:. 

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Jattdogg

Jattdogg

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Posted
On 08/12/2019 at 04:37, spacemunky said:

It's 4:35 am here and I'm looking for a place that delivers breakfast. The earliest place that has delivery is 8:30 am. Who the f**k is up at 8:30 on a Sunday??

Probably 99% of those with young children like myself.

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Costock_Fox

Costock_Fox

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Posted

Funny how a small conversation at work can completely flip how you perceive your job/career.

 

In my opinion I’ve had a great year and really added value to where I work only to be given a bog standard end of year rating. Pretty demotivating to know that whatever you do won’t really get the recognition it deserves.

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Jattdogg

Jattdogg

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6 hours ago, Costock_Fox said:

Funny how a small conversation at work can completely flip how you perceive your job/career.

 

In my opinion I’ve had a great year and really added value to where I work only to be given a bog standard end of year rating. Pretty demotivating to know that whatever you do won’t really get the recognition it deserves.

Leave a floater on your  Boss's desk.

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Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted

Once a year for Xmas we take the U11's to a football match. Today it's MK Dons v Oxford at 3pm :rolleyes:

 

What a load of shite and I really cba but the kids will enjoy it. I've told them to come tooled up as it could get nasty lol

 

Hopefully there's a good 4G/wifi at MK Dons stadium as I'll be glued to the Norwich game and don't give a fvck 

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Mike Oxlong

Mike Oxlong

Posted
Posted
6 minutes ago, Unabomber said:

Absolutely horrific. Had a call at 2am from my brother saying mum was at Leicester hospital and it was critical. She passed away. Anyway I just got back home. Now I just don’t know what to do. 

That’s truly awful and I don’t know what to say other than I really feel for you 

 

I hope you have good support from loved ones 

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