Mid Life Crisis

[Daggers]

Honestly, I thought I was one of the most depraved members of FT - but “dogging as a family”?

 

Chapeau, you sexually deviant minx you. Chapeau. 

[Mike Oxlong]

2 hours ago, ClaphamFox said:

I live in the countryside and a lot of people go dogging in the fields near where we live. It seems to be a great way of forcing yourself to get outside in the fresh air and get a bit of exercise. For some of local older folk it's probably the only exercise they get most days. We've resisted it so far because we've got two young kids to occupy us and don't really want the extra cost, but I can see us taking up dogging as a family in a few years' time. 

[ClaphamFox]

3 minutes ago, Mike Oxlong said:

Why?! I'm sure'll be responsible by using a lead where appropriate and disposing of any waste in a responsible manner...

[Mike Oxlong]

15 minutes ago, ClaphamFox said:

Why?! I'm sure'll be responsible by using a lead where appropriate and disposing of any waste in a responsible manner...

🎣

[boots60]

I'm going to change. This is the last of that sort of thing. Now I'm cleaning up and I'm moving on, going straight and choosing life. I'm looking forward to it already. I'm gonna be just like you. The job, the family, the ****ing big television. The washing machine, the car, the compact disc and electric tin opener, good health, low cholesterol, dental insurance, mortgage, starter home, leisure wear, luggage, three piece suite, DIY, game shows, junk food, children, walks in the park, nine to five, good at golf, washing the car, choice of sweaters, family Christmas, indexed pension, tax exemption, clearing gutters, getting by, looking ahead, the day you die.

[The Blur]

Gee, reading this thread has sparked my mid life crisis and I am only 33.

[worth_the_wait]

11 hours ago, ClaphamFox said:

I live in the countryside and a lot of people go dogging in the fields near where we live. It seems to be a great way of forcing yourself to get outside in the fresh air and get a bit of exercise. For some of local older folk it's probably the only exercise they get most days. We've resisted it so far because we've got two young kids to occupy us and don't really want the extra cost, but I can see us taking up dogging as a family in a few years' time. 

Best dogging sketch of all time:

 

 

[Parafox]

11 hours ago, ClaphamFox said:

I live in the countryside and a lot of people go dogging in the fields near where we live. It seems to be a great way of forcing yourself to get outside in the fresh air and get a bit of exercise. For some of local older folk it's probably the only exercise they get most days. We've resisted it so far because we've got two young kids to occupy us and don't really want the extra cost, but I can see us taking up dogging as a family in a few years' time. 

 

11 hours ago, Izzy said:

Mate you’ve no idea what an all time classic reply that is 

That will be remembered in FT history one of the best posts ever.

 

Classic piss-take. Well done @ClaphamFox 

 

I wish it was genuine.

 

 

[UniFox21]

1 hour ago, The Blur said:

Gee, reading this thread has sparked my mid life crisis and I am only 33.

Same here,was scrolling through this at work and related hard to a lot written so far,  but I'm only mid/late 20's 

[Bob Weasel Fox]

@Izzy proper with you on all those points brother - I'm 53 now and felt like it for the last 3-5 years ish 

 

mind you @ClaphamFox is giving me ideas now 😂

[fuchsntf]

On 20/02/2024 at 20:30, grobyfox1990 said:

Last part is so true. I always laugh at the posts on here and other social media calling/suggesting someone is thick, and idiot etc for voting brexit, Tory, trump, not being a covid fanatic etc. Coming from someone also in the 99.99% of people who never have and never will achieve anything more than a mundane, routine, unspectacular and average life.

Interesting thread though. No advice to offer as I’m not ‘mid life’ and still got so many achievable challenges to work towards including 500 Wetherspoons, 100 football grounds, 100 countries visited 

Trying to answer to all…reaching my 70th next month…Not one doctor believed 4 yrs ago I would reach it,even classed has a bloody phenomenan..hang that on my life achievement coat hanger…

 

look I have had a mixed life,I try to weigh up my path with occasional big failure to my sisters or cousins lives

who IMO like many out there did something I fought against for years,but ended up in latter years

sort of finishing doing the same thing…

But to ALL of you ,you have achieved getting through or facing life’s challenges,whether it’s followed a neat pattern or has had hard rugged corners,that knock you down more times than holding up,

both type of stories mean you saw/come across problems, that needed solutions,

some you have already got by, others are still open & challenging..

Ditto for any other path that you follow or befalls you.

Some people shine and smile despite the life’s grovels they face,

others can’t and never will get by the blame factor..

 

Everybody knits and weaves or lay down their own stones to open their own individual paths,

when you reach these end stages,don’t bewonder others,

first do look at your own life in all aspects, count your pennies to your own values.

Dont discredit or demean your own passing years,count all those pennies learnt or lost,has your takings balanced your giving.

Even across various scales and has the giving also found a positive taking , for yourself and others across or through  your life.

 

In various ways ,every normal,abnormal, ambitious,or not so venturesome…of us have achieved by getting through life our own way..

Others  have determined,intervened in our social lives. My fathers generation fought and won a war against everything that was evil and self destructive..For a short period the rebuilding of Europe parallel to other countries independence,

starting again to have meaning,and there were modern life’s acceptances in social classes at least through Europe.

 

In the Uk the misuse and abuse of Govt.finances.
where  many  European countries allowed their counties to slowly rebuild,

Britain funds kept our country has a dump.for individual financial gain for many decades..

The 50s 60s ,quality,qualifications Education,health institutes working in unison meant something.

The local councils looked after their properties and employed all trades to do so.

Apprenticeships encouraged for that generations youth,

British home projects supported & backed

Fishing and Agricultural 200 yr ol institutions and needed tradition  supported and backed.

A reason my fathers generation started to feel proud again…Now we have turned a full circle after my 70yrs

,with mass genocide   destruction of living and social infrastructure taking place in all corners of this abused planet..

Government again not looking after its own,working classes, nor through the other classes.

Medical professionals treated like dogshit,Police services being forced to do paperwork more than policing the streets

still seeing my Govt having institutionalised Racism after first welcoming various nations into our country…

Not once having a project to improve local infrastructure,for idegenous or new migrants and refugees

My mid- life crisis despite my built up far flung experiences

,& around every corner of the planet ,exchanges of thoughts , beliefs,understanding shared at every level,

repetitively returned to Homeland ,still to see our Govts atrocious action for disruption..home and away.
Having allowed hard  earned pensions, and younger life’s wages to be suspended & compromised with continual over 70yrs tightening our belts while making hay for themselves and their cronies .Those Fishing/Agricultural institutes pilfered and ruined.

Having  also the audacity to force zero contracts systems that is morally and corruptly wrong..then actually create some dogmatic need because they don’t creat healthy alternatives..

No major housing projects few safe healthy fit for purpose schools, a poor NHS and staff deliberately,

politically disrupted and misused for own financial gain.

Grenfell wouldn’t have happened in my youth,nobody could buy off long printed institutional fire regulations,..
 

Then for my past-time or now biggest Hobby,some bright spark throws in a common sense product,

but can’t pass common sense regulations in its distribution…V  fking A R.

Thank god I have the memory of the GOAT Vardy,and a new generation of potential herd of GOATS

at my club LCFC…with a simular rebuild around the corner for our heroes of a sport that answers all  the questions

of why !! , because one knows the refs always right at the Tigers.

.Being the last generation that carried a letter then a number on one’s back..helped me later in IT ,

for hexadecimal Octal systems for system problem solving and repair…

 

I tried to drop out of several times by taking on some type of  backpack or expedition treks.

or ran parrellel with crazy stints on S.America,African .Middle-east engineer. projects and oil rig stints.

Earnt the money threw imost away and found a wife who tamed me,(well somewhat)..

She joined in the treks and expeditions

 

Funny my father & uncles fought against them,but I courted

seriously a Japanese gf, an Irish gf, German gf who turned out to be my wife.

Coming from New Parks I aspired and realised many ambitions ,others considered in my young days

not obtainable to /for such Working estate litter..In one’s expansion ,maturing and travels,there were and

are many others who come from such backgrounds,I am nothing special,

but even when older it was an irritating stigma.

that one had to hear direct,indirect from the strangest circles,within UK,more than elsewhere in America or Europe.

 

My best man was a friend,I met I hadn’t seen for 8yrs passing him first in a street in Mexico City,

he inquired what I was doing in Mexico ( he was already living & teaching there).

My then GF and I were planning to live backpack every state in Mexico…and return to Mexico City to get married

”I need a best man “ I told him..!! …Thx Mike Torrington. I hope you are doing ok and had a good life..

 

Just an old  mid-life,gone  codger getting a rant in,

and sticking 2 fingers up at the system

Edited 22 February 2024 by fuchsntf

[FoxyPV]

This is reassuring.

 

I feel like I've lost all zest in life at 39.

 

Good career, happy family life, loads of hobbies but still feel adrift.

 

 

[RobHawk]

It's possible ric. I had a major career change a few years ago, and haven't looked back tbh. 

 

My situation was a different, I'll be honest, but my feelings were the same as you, I wanted something different. I set up a little side business which my employer were rightly not happy about when I found out. There has been other issues though, particularly with one manager and in the end they paid me off to go. 

 

Mentally this process ****ed me, I didn't wanna work for another boss again and I continued to try and set up a different new business. Confidence was shit, pressure of a young family on and a year later I'd achieved **** all and the money was gone. 

 

But... This is where I got to the point of just needing a job. In the end I got a job in retail. I started and loved it, I'd be stacking shelves and I remember just putting my head down and smashing each shift best I could. Each shift was like a personal.acheivment of doing something and doing it well, bit by bit I was rebuilding myself. 

 

Long story short, I started that job 5 years ago September, and I'm now managing my own store and looking to be moved to a larger store. I wouldn't change it, I love it and am luckily that I've had 2 bosses in particular that have really backed me and helped me achieve what I have. 

 

In that 5 years my wife and I have had a third child, she's given up work to care for the three and we downsized our house. As a bloke with pride, it was hard to give up our old house, but without my old wage we didn't have much choice. It's been tough, but again, I wouldn't change it and I'm a better person for it now. 

 

What I didn't mention earlier was my original job was working as a student advisor in a university. Jobs couldn't be more different. Again, my pride wouldn't let me look for jobs that were lower than what I was already at, I didn't feel like I could afford to take a step back. 

 

I guess my point in all of this is, it can be done, looking after you is more important than money and don't be a proud fool like I was. Yes it worked out for me but was alot harder than it should have been. 

 

Good luck

[purpleronnie]

People are so desperate for this unattainable 'perfect life' social media has a lot to answer for, its not real.

 

If there is a specific thing that you want then thats different, you can change your life and try and get whatever that is.

 

But if it's just 'a feeling' and everything in your life is good, it can be harder to pinpoint.

 

There is a lot of great advice in this thread so i won't repeat it but just searching for midlife crisis and relating to a list doesn't necessarily mean that's what is happening to you, its like reading horoscopes you can read into the generalisations and then make yourself believe these things are true to you.

 

I'm not saying that there isnt something 'wrong' but i would just take a step back.  Self reflection can be a great tool, some people dont do this until certain milestones and then when they do think its some sort of crisis.  But its important to see your own importance and be grateful for what you have because if you don't you'll never be content.

 

Maybe talking to your partner or friends would be a good idea, or if you feel more comfortable you could always seek out some professional help.

 

Bottom line its normal to think this way at some point, you're not alone, and things can get better.

 

 

 

[Wolfox]

The best decisions you can make in life are often the bravest ones….
 

I was in a company for years and probably stagnating a little…. Took a deep breath and went into something completely different and 10 years later haven’t looked back…. 
 

I never take for granted that I can pass what I describe as the ‘Monday morning test’…. If you feel ‘ok, another week, let’s go’ as opposed to that overwhelming dread, then you’re on the right course…

 

Best of luck @Ric Flair and hope you feel a little more chipper soon…

 

 

[Sampson]

On 22/02/2024 at 06:48, fuchsntf said:

Trying to answer to all…reaching my 70th next month…Not one doctor believed 4 yrs ago I would reach it,even classed has a bloody phenomenan..hang that on my life achievement coat hanger…

 

look I have had a mixed life,I try to weigh up my path with occasional big failure to my sisters or cousins lives

who IMO like many out there did something I fought against for years,but ended up in latter years

sort of finishing doing the same thing…

But to ALL of you ,you have achieved getting through or facing life’s challenges,whether it’s followed a neat pattern or has had hard rugged corners,that knock you down more times than holding up,

both type of stories mean you saw/come across problems, that needed solutions,

some you have already got by, others are still open & challenging..

Ditto for any other path that you follow or befalls you.

Some people shine and smile despite the life’s grovels they face,

others can’t and never will get by the blame factor..

 

Everybody knits and weaves or lay down their own stones to open their own individual paths,

when you reach these end stages,don’t bewonder others,

first do look at your own life in all aspects, count your pennies to your own values.

Dont discredit or demean your own passing years,count all those pennies learnt or lost,has your takings balanced your giving.

Even across various scales and has the giving also found a positive taking , for yourself and others across or through  your life.

 

In various ways ,every normal,abnormal, ambitious,or not so venturesome…of us have achieved by getting through life our own way..

Others  have determined,intervened in our social lives. My fathers generation fought and won a war against everything that was evil and self destructive..For a short period the rebuilding of Europe parallel to other countries independence,

starting again to have meaning,and there were modern life’s acceptances in social classes at least through Europe.

 

In the Uk the misuse and abuse of Govt.finances.
where  many  European countries allowed their counties to slowly rebuild,

Britain funds kept our country has a dump.for individual financial gain for many decades..

The 50s 60s ,quality,qualifications Education,health institutes working in unison meant something.

The local councils looked after their properties and employed all trades to do so.

Apprenticeships encouraged for that generations youth,

British home projects supported & backed

Fishing and Agricultural 200 yr ol institutions and needed tradition  supported and backed.

A reason my fathers generation started to feel proud again…Now we have turned a full circle after my 70yrs

,with mass genocide   destruction of living and social infrastructure taking place in all corners of this abused planet..

Government again not looking after its own,working classes, nor through the other classes.

Medical professionals treated like dogshit,Police services being forced to do paperwork more than policing the streets

still seeing my Govt having institutionalised Racism after first welcoming various nations into our country…

Not once having a project to improve local infrastructure,for idegenous or new migrants and refugees

My mid- life crisis despite my built up far flung experiences

,& around every corner of the planet ,exchanges of thoughts , beliefs,understanding shared at every level,

repetitively returned to Homeland ,still to see our Govts atrocious action for disruption..home and away.
Having allowed hard  earned pensions, and younger life’s wages to be suspended & compromised with continual over 70yrs tightening our belts while making hay for themselves and their cronies .Those Fishing/Agricultural institutes pilfered and ruined.

Having  also the audacity to force zero contracts systems that is morally and corruptly wrong..then actually create some dogmatic need because they don’t creat healthy alternatives..

No major housing projects few safe healthy fit for purpose schools, a poor NHS and staff deliberately,

politically disrupted and misused for own financial gain.

Grenfell wouldn’t have happened in my youth,nobody could buy off long printed institutional fire regulations,..
 

Then for my past-time or now biggest Hobby,some bright spark throws in a common sense product,

but can’t pass common sense regulations in its distribution…V  fking A R.

Thank god I have the memory of the GOAT Vardy,and a new generation of potential herd of GOATS

at my club LCFC…with a simular rebuild around the corner for our heroes of a sport that answers all  the questions

of why !! , because one knows the refs always right at the Tigers.

.Being the last generation that carried a letter then a number on one’s back..helped me later in IT ,

for hexadecimal Octal systems for system problem solving and repair…

 

I tried to drop out of several times by taking on some type of  backpack or expedition treks.

or ran parrellel with crazy stints on S.America,African .Middle-east engineer. projects and oil rig stints.

Earnt the money threw imost away and found a wife who tamed me,(well somewhat)..

She joined in the treks and expeditions

 

Funny my father & uncles fought against them,but I courted

seriously a Japanese gf, an Irish gf, German gf who turned out to be my wife.

Coming from New Parks I aspired and realised many ambitions ,others considered in my young days

not obtainable to /for such Working estate litter..In one’s expansion ,maturing and travels,there were and

are many others who come from such backgrounds,I am nothing special,

but even when older it was an irritating stigma.

that one had to hear direct,indirect from the strangest circles,within UK,more than elsewhere in America or Europe.

 

My best man was a friend,I met I hadn’t seen for 8yrs passing him first in a street in Mexico City,

he inquired what I was doing in Mexico ( he was already living & teaching there).

My then GF and I were planning to live backpack every state in Mexico…and return to Mexico City to get married

”I need a best man “ I told him..!! …Thx Mike Torrington. I hope you are doing ok and had a good life..

 

Just an old  mid-life,gone  codger getting a rant in,

and sticking 2 fingers up at the system

Still wonder if Fuchsntf ever got to see his 70th birthday 

[MPH]

1 hour ago, Wolfox said:

The best decisions you can make in life are often the bravest ones….
 

I was in a company for years and probably stagnating a little…. Took a deep breath and went into something completely different and 10 years later haven’t looked back…. 
 

I never take for granted that I can pass what I describe as the ‘Monday morning test’…. If you feel ‘ok, another week, let’s go’ as opposed to that overwhelming dread, then you’re on the right course…

 

Best of luck @Ric Flair and hope you feel a little more chipper soon…

 

 

 

I actually saw someone punch our boss  once. No bueno.

[bovril]

I'm 39. About a year and a half ago I started feeling a bit adrift, like I hadn't achieved what I'd wanted in life and wasn't sure where I was headed.

 

Then last summer a couple of things happened to my partner and her family that put things in perspective. Thankfully she's better now. We had a wonderful Christmas together and are really enjoying 2024.

 

I know it's a cliche but there are things that matter and things that don't really. I see people writing in this thread stuff like "I have a happy and healthy family but...". Not to diminish anyone's issues but maybe there's no but? We're all searching for that purpose and deeper meaning in life and we have been for millennia. To paraphrase a great writer on protestantism, we abolished priests but didn't abolish the priest in our head. 

 

I'm meandering a bit here. But I guess what I'm trying to say is we all have our existential moments. But if you support your loved ones and make them happy, well really there's no greater achievement than that. We all have a lot to be grateful for and a lot to be proud of.

Edited 29 June 2024 by bovril

[bovril]

32 minutes ago, bovril said:

I'm 39. About a year and a half ago I started feeling a bit adrift, like I hadn't achieved what I'd wanted in life and wasn't sure where I was headed.

 

Then last summer a couple of things happened to my partner and her family that put things in perspective. Thankfully she's better now. We had a wonderful Christmas together and are really enjoying 2024.

 

I know it's a cliche but there are things that matter and things that don't really. I see people writing in this thread stuff like "I have a happy and healthy family but...". Not to diminish anyone's issues but maybe there's no but? We're all searching for that purpose and deeper meaning in life and we have been for millennia. To paraphrase a great writer on protestantism, we abolished priests but didn't abolish the priest in our head. 

 

I'm meandering a bit here. But I guess what I'm trying to say is we all have our existential moments. But if you support your loved ones and make them happy, well really there's no greater achievement than that. We all have a lot to be grateful for and a lot to be proud of.

also, have as much sex as possible 

[Dr The Singh]

I'm gonna be 50 next year and its killing me.

 

I shag like im 21 and the bitches can't walk properly for a week, wtf is going on.

[kyleolly]

43 minutes ago, Dr The Singh said:

I'm gonna be 50 next year and its killing me.

 

I shag like im 21 and the bitches can't walk properly for a week, wtf is going on.

Your shagging the small breeds

[orangecity23]

I was going to suggest Project Management as another potential "new career for Ric" shout, makes some use of the accounting background, but your communications skills would get better utilised, it involves lots of communicating, co-ordinating different stuff, working with various team members and customers etc to sort stuff out. Plus you get the satisfaction at the end of projects of actually completing something, which is nice.

(Not a PM myself, but have worked with loads of them in my career (automation software projects) over the years)

 

They are used in a wide range of industries as well, so there is a lot of scope for switching to different industries if you've had enough of a gaff after a few years. Now - there are some potential downsides as well. It could be quiet stressful, especially if the projects in question are very large, or anything involving stuff like construction could be a ballache, having to organise all sorts of shit out, which might not be best from a stress/health/lifestyle perspective (might involve a bunch of travel as well, which could be bad when you want to spend more time with the family and have health concerns too. Fortunately, there are much smaller, simpler project management stuff as well - the mob at my work just hang around the office. Point being - a lot of communicating and co-ordinating between different people in a workplace, which could really play to your strengths.

 

To sum up, your skills are useful, don't get too down on yourself mate - especially about a bloody job appraisal (I hate the stupid things, entirely seem like a waste of time. If people aren't getting the job done, there are 364 other days a year they could have done something about it, instead of waiting for one stupid meeting to have a pop at someone who's done a perfectly good job because they couldn't translate a description of what they've done from English into pseudo-bollocks HR corporate nob speak like "impactful change" and "innovation"). Also, everything you've done on the pod has been top tier entertainment, and you and the lads have brought a lot of laughs and smiles to a lot of people over the last 2 years, and it's a genuine highlight of the week for a lot of us. You should be proud of yourself.

Edited 29 June 2024 by orangecity23

[ozleicester]

At age 54 (7 years ago) i took a massive cut in pay, went to a part time casual job at a not for profit organisation that rather than harming people, actually helped them.

Sold city house that we still owed mortgage on...bought cheap, small, rural home outright and dedicated my free time to helping others, my family and myself. The best thing ive ever done, my life has been infinitly better.

I hope this doesnt come across as a brag... this is intended as showing that changing yourself is doable (well it was for me and i hope others can make the choices that they need) and is fantastic, if you are thinking about it... do it

[FoxyPV]

Most are a 5 day course for practitioner and a bit of studying. It's a cottage industry.

 

You can get the experience regardless, most jobs just ask for the piece of paper as well

[Jon the Hat]

Sorry to hear you are feeling this way.  As a finance guy myself I would say the skills you mention are valuable in finance in the right organization.  I have a very people / network building profile myself rather than purely analytical, and it works in the right company.  As you say being able to build networks is what gets things done.  I would suggest as a first option putting yourself out there in and finding an organization with the right cultural fit for you.  Make a big difference.