How Was Your Day?

[stripeyfox]

1 hour ago, Parafox said:

Not great, again. I posted on this thread a while back that my wife of 33 years wanted to separate. I thought we were ok, as nothing else happened and we agreed that we would live in the same house while we got through this phase. 

Today my wife went to look at a flat and intends to move there so she can think things through. 

I feel confused, scared, anxious. I don't fully understand where this is going. My wife says she needs space away for a while so we can both evaluate our relationship, pursue our interests (hers, gardening/allotment, mine... dunno) and hopefully "kick-start" or reset our marriage. 

Problem is, there's no timescale. I desperately don't want this, but her mind is made up. I'm dreading being alone when I'm so used to her being around. I don't socialise much and have always been one to stay home rather than go out. I have no real hobbies to fill my time as we've pretty much done things as a couple.

I know there's FT posters who've been through similar and worse. I've never been in this situation before and it's frightening. I feel sick, I can't eat, I doubt I'll sleep much for several weeks. It feels like my world is in turmoil and a ton of uncertainty.

Our 2 daughters are 19 and 26. 19 yr old still lives at home and is very upset and unsettled by this. The older one has yet to be told.

Just seeing if those of you with similar experiences or anyone else, has any advice or guidance to help. 

Thank you.

Tough times mate. I've not been through this myself but I know a few people who have. I guess you're right in the eye of the storm right now and can't really think straight. Have you thought about counselling for the pair of you? It's scary because you're so used to each other after 30+ years but that might be part of the problem. You probably need to give her some space and try and occupy yourself. Any local groups you could join or volunteer anywhere. Then try and concentrate on what brought you together in the first place. 

Take care mate, hope things work out for you.

 

[Milo]

4 hours ago, Bellend Sebastian said:

At Legoland Windsor. It really is shit, isn't it?

We’re going on Sunday...happy days 

[Dr The Singh]

2 hours ago, Parafox said:

Not great, again. I posted on this thread a while back that my wife of 33 years wanted to separate. I thought we were ok, as nothing else happened and we agreed that we would live in the same house while we got through this phase. 

Today my wife went to look at a flat and intends to move there so she can think things through. 

I feel confused, scared, anxious. I don't fully understand where this is going. My wife says she needs space away for a while so we can both evaluate our relationship, pursue our interests (hers, gardening/allotment, mine... dunno) and hopefully "kick-start" or reset our marriage. 

Problem is, there's no timescale. I desperately don't want this, but her mind is made up. I'm dreading being alone when I'm so used to her being around. I don't socialise much and have always been one to stay home rather than go out. I have no real hobbies to fill my time as we've pretty much done things as a couple.

I know there's FT posters who've been through similar and worse. I've never been in this situation before and it's frightening. I feel sick, I can't eat, I doubt I'll sleep much for several weeks. It feels like my world is in turmoil and a ton of uncertainty.

Our 2 daughters are 19 and 26. 19 yr old still lives at home and is very upset and unsettled by this. The older one has yet to be told.

Just seeing if those of you with similar experiences or anyone else, has any advice or guidance to help. 

Thank you.

It's not that uncommon for couples to break up once kids have grown up.  Motnsaying this is your case, I can imagine my wife possibly having a massive void in her life when the kids go to uni etc and leave the roost, and she will need something to fill it with and it may not seem to her that it's best with me.

Youve got to be strong, and support her, and not let it look like your a victim, and keep positive.  If she needs some time, give her the time.

Unfortunately I can't be more helpful then that.  Life has many challenges, you just need to believe in yourself

[Izzy]

4 hours ago, Bellend Sebastian said:

At Legoland Windsor. It really is shit, isn't it?

It was pants when we went earlier this year. 

We pre-ordered the Q-Bot/fast passes in advance and when we went to collect them we were told they had 'issues' and couldn't be used.

So we had to queue up for over an hour with hundreds of others to get the app installed on our phones instead. 

Oh the irony...

[Bellend Sebastian]

2 hours ago, Parafox said:

I went 14 years ago with our kids, then 5 and 12. It can't be as shite now as it was then. An utter waste of fuel, travel and entry fee. Even the kids were underwhelmed. 

Does it still have a lego model village?

13 minutes ago, Milo said:

We’re going on Sunday...happy days 

5 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

It was pants when we went earlier this year. 

We pre-ordered the Q-Bot/fast passes in advance and when we went to collect them we were told they had 'issues' and couldn't be used.

So we had to queue up for over an hour with hundreds of others to get the app installed on our phones instead. 

Oh the irony...

Maybe all theme parks are like this now (I've not been to Alton Towers since 1989 or something) but there's just not enough stuff there to entertain the huge numbers of people they let in. You spend hours queuing for rides that are not only tame (fair enough given the target audience) but incredibly short.

We've got a two day ticket so I'm back there tomorrow. Psyching myself up for it.

Yes, Parafox, there is still a model village, which I did actually quite enjoy 

 

[Costock_Fox]

2 hours ago, Parafox said:

Not great, again. I posted on this thread a while back that my wife of 33 years wanted to separate. I thought we were ok, as nothing else happened and we agreed that we would live in the same house while we got through this phase. 

Today my wife went to look at a flat and intends to move there so she can think things through. 

I feel confused, scared, anxious. I don't fully understand where this is going. My wife says she needs space away for a while so we can both evaluate our relationship, pursue our interests (hers, gardening/allotment, mine... dunno) and hopefully "kick-start" or reset our marriage. 

Problem is, there's no timescale. I desperately don't want this, but her mind is made up. I'm dreading being alone when I'm so used to her being around. I don't socialise much and have always been one to stay home rather than go out. I have no real hobbies to fill my time as we've pretty much done things as a couple.

I know there's FT posters who've been through similar and worse. I've never been in this situation before and it's frightening. I feel sick, I can't eat, I doubt I'll sleep much for several weeks. It feels like my world is in turmoil and a ton of uncertainty.

Our 2 daughters are 19 and 26. 19 yr old still lives at home and is very upset and unsettled by this. The older one has yet to be told.

Just seeing if those of you with similar experiences or anyone else, has any advice or guidance to help. 

Thank you.

Sorry to hear that mate, must be really shit but I would take some time to live your life. Get yourself a hobby and find something that makes you happy and hopefully your Mrs will find what she has been missing and if, what you currently think is the worst, does permanently happen then you may see the positives from it.

In the meantime, keep chatting and don’t let yourself get in a rut. Feel free to message if you need to chat mate.

[Izzy]

2 hours ago, Parafox said:

Not great, again. I posted on this thread a while back that my wife of 33 years wanted to separate. I thought we were ok, as nothing else happened and we agreed that we would live in the same house while we got through this phase. 

Today my wife went to look at a flat and intends to move there so she can think things through. 

I feel confused, scared, anxious. I don't fully understand where this is going. My wife says she needs space away for a while so we can both evaluate our relationship, pursue our interests (hers, gardening/allotment, mine... dunno) and hopefully "kick-start" or reset our marriage. 

Problem is, there's no timescale. I desperately don't want this, but her mind is made up. I'm dreading being alone when I'm so used to her being around. I don't socialise much and have always been one to stay home rather than go out. I have no real hobbies to fill my time as we've pretty much done things as a couple.

I know there's FT posters who've been through similar and worse. I've never been in this situation before and it's frightening. I feel sick, I can't eat, I doubt I'll sleep much for several weeks. It feels like my world is in turmoil and a ton of uncertainty.

Our 2 daughters are 19 and 26. 19 yr old still lives at home and is very upset and unsettled by this. The older one has yet to be told.

Just seeing if those of you with similar experiences or anyone else, has any advice or guidance to help. 

Thank you.

I'm sorry to hear this mate 

I've not bee through this and can't imagine what it must feel like but just want to say thoughts are with you and you've got a great support network on here if you ever want to PM anyone for a chat - me included.

Be strong for your kids..

[Strokes]

2 hours ago, Jattdogg said:

Havent been married that long but clearly  your wife think somethings not right and instead of staying in an unhappy/unknown situation  she wants to take a break to try and figure out whats wrong (or not wrong). Its definitely scary for you because you have no idea whats going on or when "she will  know" if its going to  be permanent or if things will get better and back to a happy place for you two.

I remember an ex gf did this too me and at that time i felt like you.  Long story short it hurt and we ended up making it permanent but was for the best as i married a much better person (wife).

I cant offer any advice to make you feel better. I dont sugar coat things especially with relationships. You need to let her do her thing. The last thing you want is a confused/suffocated woman sticking it out just to appease your feelings. Thats not cool for either of you as you both deserve happiness.

The only thing i can say is to try and keep yourself  busy. Do things you normally wouldnt do with your wife. Spend time with your daughter(s). Go for a weekend trip with them.  Focus on yourself and the "kids".

Try not to fall into the booze trap it doesnt solve anything and will just make you feel shittier.

Your wife will reach out to you when shes ready to talk. Maybe then you can attempt some wooing get your  game ready hehe.

Your welcome to live with my wife if you want, she is bloody annoying though.

Seriously though para, I don’t have any experience to draw on but I would advise you give her as much space as you can and hope she misses you. Tell her you love her and she knows where to find you if she needs you and that you will only contact her on things to do with the kids until she says otherwise. 

I really hope it works out for the best, whatever that may be.

[ajthefox]

2 hours ago, Parafox said:

Not great, again. I posted on this thread a while back that my wife of 33 years wanted to separate. I thought we were ok, as nothing else happened and we agreed that we would live in the same house while we got through this phase. 

Today my wife went to look at a flat and intends to move there so she can think things through. 

I feel confused, scared, anxious. I don't fully understand where this is going. My wife says she needs space away for a while so we can both evaluate our relationship, pursue our interests (hers, gardening/allotment, mine... dunno) and hopefully "kick-start" or reset our marriage. 

Problem is, there's no timescale. I desperately don't want this, but her mind is made up. I'm dreading being alone when I'm so used to her being around. I don't socialise much and have always been one to stay home rather than go out. I have no real hobbies to fill my time as we've pretty much done things as a couple.

I know there's FT posters who've been through similar and worse. I've never been in this situation before and it's frightening. I feel sick, I can't eat, I doubt I'll sleep much for several weeks. It feels like my world is in turmoil and a ton of uncertainty.

Our 2 daughters are 19 and 26. 19 yr old still lives at home and is very upset and unsettled by this. The older one has yet to be told.

Just seeing if those of you with similar experiences or anyone else, has any advice or guidance to help. 

Thank you.

Sorry to hear this Para. 

Not sure I can offer much advice as a single 20 something but hopefully some time apart can prove to be of benefit to your relationship.

Try to be patient and keep yourself occupied mate.

Whenever you're struggling, the depression thread is always a great source of support, plenty of listening ears in there.  

Stay strong and best of luck.

 

[Max Wall]

1 minute ago, Strokes said:

Your welcome to live with my wife if you want, she is bloody annoying though.

Seriously though para, I don’t have any experience to draw on but I would advise you give her as much space as you can and hope she misses you. Tell her you love her and she knows where to find you if she needs you and that you will only contact her on things to do with the kids until she says otherwise. 

I really hope it works out for the best, whatever that may be.

For not having any experience, I'd say that's pretty sound advice you've given. I have experience and that's pretty much what I would have said. @Parafox, I'd go along these lines. The change will be difficult and a little frightening but you will find your way through it. No one can predict anything with any confidence but often space can make people re-evaluate and start to focus on the things that they actually miss about a relationship when they've spent some time on their own. Might sound a little harsh here, but, as much as you can, don't wallow. Specifically, be positive in any contact with her and, if your having a bad day, try not to let that spill into any conversation you have with her. If you can, find something to fill your time a little more and you might find that she suddenly sees the re-emergence of the things she always liked about you. I'd say it's quite important that your contact with her while you're separated is always positive from your side, as much as you can be. If you can do that, it will be noticed.

I hope none of that comes across as condescending or trite and I wish you the best of luck.

[Strokes]

1 minute ago, Max Wall said:

For not having any experience, I'd say that's pretty sound advice you've given. I have experience and that's pretty much what I would have said. @Parafox, I'd go along these lines. The change will be difficult and a little frightening but you will find your way through it. No one can predict anything with any confidence but often space can make people re-evaluate and start to focus on the things that they actually miss about a relationship when they've spent some time on their own. Might sound a little harsh here, but, as much as you can, don't wallow. Specifically, be positive in any contact with her and, if your having a bad day, try not to let that spill into any conversation you have with her. If you can, find something to fill your time a little more and you might find that she suddenly sees the re-emergence of the things she always liked about you. I'd say it's quite important that your contact with her while you're separated is always positive from your side, as much as you can be. If you can do that, it will be noticed.

I hope none of that comes across as condescending or trite and I wish you the best of luck.

People are attracted to positive happy people and that’s what he needs her to see. 

[Jattdogg]

24 minutes ago, Strokes said:

Your welcome to live with my wife if you want, she is bloody annoying though.

Is she 20 to 30, fit and hot to trot? If not, no thanks sounds like a menopausal situation

[SouthStandUpperTier]

.

Edited 28 August 2018 by SouthStandUpperTier

[Strokes]

4 minutes ago, Jattdogg said:

Is she 20 to 30, fit and hot to trot? If not, no thanks sounds like a menopausal situation

I call her the wooden spoon wife

Its a good job she’s got a good sense of humour, otherwise she’d have found some other mug to moan at by now.

[Parafox]

Thank you to everyone who's responded to my post, you're thoughts and words are very supportive and helpful to me. 

[RonnieTodger]

Just had my ear syringed, was weird. Turns out my other one needs doing too, I just thought it was the good ear because it wasn't completely deaf.

Edited 29 August 2018 by RonnieTodger

[simFox]

14 hours ago, Max Wall said:

For not having any experience, I'd say that's pretty sound advice you've given. I have experience and that's pretty much what I would have said. @Parafox, I'd go along these lines. The change will be difficult and a little frightening but you will find your way through it. No one can predict anything with any confidence but often space can make people re-evaluate and start to focus on the things that they actually miss about a relationship when they've spent some time on their own. Might sound a little harsh here, but, as much as you can, don't wallow. Specifically, be positive in any contact with her and, if your having a bad day, try not to let that spill into any conversation you have with her. If you can, find something to fill your time a little more and you might find that she suddenly sees the re-emergence of the things she always liked about you. I'd say it's quite important that your contact with her while you're separated is always positive from your side, as much as you can be. If you can do that, it will be noticed.

I hope none of that comes across as condescending or trite and I wish you the best of luck.

Id do the first bit, but not the second. Don't go telling her you love her and want her back.

Just start living your own life, do something exciting, get in shape, buy a fast car, don't be a miserable love sick kitten, women hate that. Be a man and she'll come trotting back... by then you'll be happy she's left.

[Max Wall]

7 minutes ago, simFox said:

Id do the first bit, but not the second. Don't go telling her you love her and want her back.

Not sure what you're referring to there? If that's what you've read from what I posted, it wasn't meant to be. How do you convert what I said into him being a 'love sick kitten'? All I said was don't wallow and be positive when interacting with his wife.

[RoboFox]

We were on a night out in Torquay for our annual August bank holiday visit on Sunday night. 

Four of us (two guys, two girls) were crossing the road slightly behind the larger group at a zebra crossing outside quite a busy bar. I noticed a black Audi estate heading towards us. As the lights were green, the car passed behind us as we were stepping onto the curb, when we all felt something hit the back of us, I looked to my left to see the car speeding around a corner and out of sight before I knew what was going on. 

We were all pelted with some sort of liquid that dried white and smelled faintly like a vinegary substance. We were at first worried that it could've been something corrosive due to the smell, but thankfully it didn't damage any of our clothes or cause any pain or discomfort to one of the girls who was hit on the back of the head. It has washed off my leather jacket and out of my clothes seemingly without issue.

Just brought home how easy it would be for any of us to be targeted by, or even caught up in this kind of thing randomly.

It was at best, disgusting... At worst, well doesn't bear thinking about.

Edited 29 August 2018 by RoboFox

[simFox]

36 minutes ago, Max Wall said:

Not sure what you're referring to there? If that's what you've read from what I posted, it wasn't meant to be. How do you convert what I said into him being a 'love sick kitten'? All I said was don't wallow and be positive when interacting with his wife.

Telling her you love her. I'm pretty sure that's what I wrote. I wouldn't do that myself, she won't want hear it and in his emotional state it would be difficult to say it without sounding live sick, because he's love sick.

 

Edited 29 August 2018 by simFox

[Costock_Fox]

19 minutes ago, RoboFox said:

We were on a night out in Torquay for our annual August bank holiday visit on Sunday night. 

Four of us (two guys, two girls) were crossing the road slightly behind the larger group at a zebra crossing outside quite a busy bar. I noticed a black Audi estate heading towards us. As the lights were green, the car passed behind us as we were stepping onto the curb, when we all felt something hit the back of us, I looked to my left to see the car speeding around a corner and out of sight before I knew what was going on. 

We were all pelted with some sort of liquid that dried white and smelled faintly like a vinegary substance. We were at first worried that it could've been something corrosive due to the smell, but thankfully it didn't damage any of our clothes or cause any pain or discomfort to one of the girls who was hit on the back of the head. It has washed off my leather jacket and out of my clothes seemingly without issue.

Just brought home how easy it would be for any of us to be targeted by, or even caught up in this kind of thing randomly.

It was at best, disgusting... At worst, well doesn't bear thinking about.

Sounds like jizz pal.

[RoboFox]

7 minutes ago, Costock_Fox said:

Sounds like jizz pal.

Dude, if your man-fluid smells like vinegar I'd inform Mrs. Costock_Fox immediately then get yourself down to the doctors, stat. 

 

[ozleicester]

Jerked off out the window of my Audi as we went round a bend.... good times  

[Max Wall]

1 hour ago, simFox said:

Id do the first bit, but not the second. Don't go telling her you love her and want her back.

Just start living your own life, do something exciting, get in shape, buy a fast car, don't be a miserable love sick kitten, women hate that. Be a man and she'll come trotting back... by then you'll be happy she's left.

 

1 hour ago, simFox said:

Telling her you love her. I'm pretty sure that's what I wrote. I wouldn't do that myself, she won't want hear it and in his emotional state it would be difficult to say it without sounding live sick, because he's love sick.

 

Initially, you quoted my post, still not sure why.

For ease, I've quoted both your posts. Where did anyone tell him to act like a love sick kitten? If your referring to @Strokes post, then you have misinterpreted it by my reckoning. What Strokes said was, tell her you love her and she knows where you are if she needs you. He was referring to the day she moves out, as the OP made clear she was moving to a separate address. Your advice is to 'buy a fast car'? On the day she moves, should he just say 'see you later' and bundle her out the door instead because he has some 2nd hand Porsches to look at?

Deary me.

[Samilktray]

Posts from people who have been cummed on from cars is 97% of the reason I'm still on foxestalk