Questions Thread

[Rogstanley]

Dale Carnegie wasn't writing for a British audience and didn't appreciate our cynicism. I think we Brits tend to prefer sincerity and find someone expressing false interest a bit off putting. Better just to be yourself rather than behaving as the self help books tell you to. Even if you're a bit weird just roll with it and people will appreciate you for who you are. Best thing to remember is that literally nobody at work really gives a crap about you anyway, and that should be liberating.

Edited 8 May 2018 by Rogstanley

[Izzy]

2 minutes ago, Rogstanley said:

Dale Carnegie wasn't writing for a British audience and didn't appreciate our cynicism. I think we Brits tend to prefer sincerity and find someone expressing false interest a bit off putting. Better just to be yourself rather than behaving as the self help books tell you to.

 

I assume this is in response to Wymesy's question and my reply? Might help if you actually use the quote function 

 

If so, you'll notice I said showing a genuine interest in others - not a false interest. People aren't stupid, they know when they're being manipulated or if someone is being false.

 

I agree Wymsey should be himself but he's asked for some advice here. Maybe he's a genuine, curious person anyway and asking questions is natural to him?

 

Not sure what your problem is with self help/personal development either. You've dismissed this in the past but hey, if you're happy being a cynic then good for you...

 

[Izzy]

16 minutes ago, Rogstanley said:

Even if you're a bit weird just roll with it and people will appreciate you for who you are. Best thing to remember is that literally nobody at work really gives a crap about you anyway, and that should be liberating.

 

 

Who says he's weird? Bit patronising...

 

Maybe nobody at your work place gives a crap about you but don't tar us all with the same brush.

Edited 8 May 2018 by Izzy Muzzett

[ajthefox]

19 minutes ago, Rogstanley said:

Dale Carnegie wasn't writing for a British audience and didn't appreciate our cynicism. I think we Brits tend to prefer sincerity and find someone expressing false interest a bit off putting. Better just to be yourself rather than behaving as the self help books tell you to. Even if you're a bit weird just roll with it and people will appreciate you for who you are. Best thing to remember is that literally nobody at work really gives a crap about you anyway, and that should be liberating.

 

I think that says more about you/where you have worked than anything else.

[Rogstanley]

15 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

Maybe nobody at your work place gives a crap about you but don't tar us all with the same brush.

 

 

9 minutes ago, ajthefox said:

I think that says more about you/where you have worked than anything else.

No I don't think so. Obviously people are polite and all and will take an interest to some extent, but they're not your family or close friends and so don't really care that much about you. Most people are too self-interested and busy with their own lives to really care about people who they barely know. The helpful point of that it that it gives you the freedom to be who you want, safe in the knowledge that nobody is really that bothered by you either way. It's not a negative thing, just a natural consequence of the nature of modern work places.

Edited 8 May 2018 by Rogstanley

[Rogstanley]

16 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

 

Who says he's weird? Bit patronising...

 

 

 

Nobody  why is that idea even in your head? I clearly said "if".

[ScouseFox]

6 minutes ago, Rogstanley said:

 

No I don't think so. Obviously people are polite and all and will take an interest to some extent, but they're not your family or close friends and so don't really care that much about you. Most people are too self-interested and busy with their own lives to really care about people who they barely know. The helpful point of that it that it gives you the freedom to be who you want, safe in the knowledge that nobody is really that bothered by you either way. It's not a negative thing, just a natural consequence of the nature of modern work places.

 

some people are cool enough to make actual mates through work tho, which blows your theory out the water 

[Rogstanley]

20 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

I assume this is in response to Wymesy's question and my reply? Might help if you actually use the quote function 

 

If so, you'll notice I said showing a genuine interest in others - not a false interest. People aren't stupid, they know when they're being manipulated or if someone is being false.

 

I agree Wymsey should be himself but he's asked for some advice here. Maybe he's a genuine, curious person anyway and asking questions is natural to him?

 

Not sure what your problem is with self help/personal development either. You've dismissed this in the past but hey, if you're happy being a cynic then good for you...

 

Your advice (or rather Carnegie's number 1 rule in How to Win Friends and Influence People which you've obviously read) is to show interest in people as a method to get them to like you. That's not genuine because you're only showing interest in an effort to get people to like you. It probably works in America where people are trained to be more open about their feelings and so on, but I'm not sure it works so well in the UK where strangers showing an interest is usually met with a healthy degree of cynicism and suspicion rather than an offer a friendship.

[Rogstanley]

3 minutes ago, ScouseFox said:

some people are cool enough to make actual mates through work tho, which blows your theory out the water 

Over time yes, of course, but we're talking about someone who has just started a new job and doesn't know anybody yet.

 

But thanks for clarifying how cool you are.

Edited 8 May 2018 by Rogstanley

[brucey]

There are definitely lots of people who are able to show genuine interest in others' lives. I am not one of them. The thought of making small talk is terrifying to me. 

If you're only temporarily working on that ward for a couple months it doesn't matter how closely you choose to interact, as long as everyone behaves professionally towards each other.

If it's longer than a few months, closeness will come naturally with time anyway.

[Kopfkino]

Yeah I think I can be frighteningly aloof to begin with. Puts a lot of people off  

[DJ Barry Hammond]

 

What would a millennial do with £10,000? 

 

Answer seriously or not - article here (which is serious, sorry): https://articulatelive.wordpress.com/2018/05/08/what-would-a-millennial-do-with-10000/

Edited 8 May 2018 by DJ Barry Hammond

[Kopfkino]

12 minutes ago, DJ Barry Hammond said:

 

What would a millennial do with £10,000? 

 

Answer seriously or not - article here (which is serious, sorry): https://articulatelive.wordpress.com/2018/05/08/what-would-a-millennial-do-with-10000/

 

 

Bar headlines and skim-reads I hadn't actually paid too much attention to this. I used to respect the Resolution Foundation but this is really shit as ideas go, even worse than I had initially realised. 

[Rob1742]

13 hours ago, Wymeswold fox said:

Just started a new job in a hospital ward.

Feel out of place in a quite a large team that has worked with each other/known each other for a while and felt quite awkward due to it (fear of being judged etc in being a 'newbie', despite only just starting) despite trying not to think about it..

What's the best way to settle in in this aspect?

It may sound daft but it's a horrible feeling when in a new work environment.

 

Nothing really you can do, it’s just a time thing. You are out your comfort zone and until you get used to it, it will always be a bit awkward.

 

Two points though, one I think is massively important and one that will help for the next few days.

 

1. If you or when you have kids, make sure you put them in as many new situations (like this, but not like this if you know what I mean) so that they get used to be being out of their comfort zone, so it gets easier for them to adapt when they get older. I hated these situations, but I put my son through as many new and potentially awkward situations consciously  so that when he hits another, it’s just so easy to overcome. But what you are going through is just natural.

 

2. The W questions. What, why, where, when. If things are a bit awkward, I always ask the open W questions as your colleagues can’t just answer with a yes or no, it gets them talking and conversations flowing and takes any awkwardness away if there are any quiet times. People love talking and if they do time will fly and you will soon get used to your new surroundings.

 

Good luck, you will enjoy it all and settle in no time. 

 

 

[stix]

14 hours ago, Wymeswold fox said:

Just started a new job in a hospital ward.

Feel out of place in a quite a large team that has worked with each other/known each other for a while and felt quite awkward due to it (fear of being judged etc in being a 'newbie', despite only just starting) despite trying not to think about it..

What's the best way to settle in in this aspect?

It may sound daft but it's a horrible feeling when in a new work environment.

 

 

New starter cakes ? 

 

first pay day cakes ? 

 

then Probation Cakes ? 

 

obviously Birthday cakes ? 

 

Then just random acts of cake giving throughout the year cakes ? 

 

 

[Facecloth]

Anyone get the impression @stix likes cake?

[stix]

As long as you’re not working on the Diabetes ward obvs ?

[Wymsey]

1 hour ago, Rob1742 said:

Nothing really you can do, it’s just a time thing. You are out your comfort zone and until you get used to it, it will always be a bit awkward.

 

Two points though, one I think is massively important and one that will help for the next few days.

 

1. If you or when you have kids, make sure you put them in as many new situations (like this, but not like this if you know what I mean) so that they get used to be being out of their comfort zone, so it gets easier for them to adapt when they get older. I hated these situations, but I put my son through as many new and potentially awkward situations consciously  so that when he hits another, it’s just so easy to overcome. But what you are going through is just natural.

 

2. The W questions. What, why, where, when. If things are a bit awkward, I always ask the open W questions as your colleagues can’t just answer with a yes or no, it gets them talking and conversations flowing and takes any awkwardness away if there are any quiet times. People love talking and if they do time will fly and you will soon get used to your new surroundings.

 

Good luck, you will enjoy it all and settle in no time. 

 

 

 

10 hours ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

I assume this is in response to Wymesy's question and my reply? Might help if you actually use the quote function 

 

If so, you'll notice I said showing a genuine interest in others - not a false interest. People aren't stupid, they know when they're being manipulated or if someone is being false.

 

I agree Wymsey should be himself but he's asked for some advice here. Maybe he's a genuine, curious person anyway and asking questions is natural to him?

 

Not sure what your problem is with self help/personal development either. You've dismissed this in the past but hey, if you're happy being a cynic then good for you...

 

Many thanks for the advice.

As other staff in the team are more established and know each other well more, felt like a stranger to them and trying not to give the impression that I feel quite awkward due to the situation.

Edited 9 May 2018 by Wymeswold fox

[Beliall]

what are the  LCFC shop like for returns and service? i just got a shirt, ordered in size age 7-8, my daughters name and age (8) on the back , they sent a size 5-6 but she wont take it off, and im not gonna upset her. shes over the ****ing moon with it, but it looks ridiculous on her  

anyway, i emailed them, asking for a refund or replacement , explained the situation and told them ii will return the old one when we get a new one. whats my chances? 

Edited 12 May 2018 by Beliall

[StanSP]

18 minutes ago, Beliall said:

what are the  LCFC shop like for returns and service? i just got a shirt, ordered in size age 7-8, my daughters name and age (8) on the back , they sent a size 5-6 but she wont take it off, and im not gonna upset her. shes over the ****ing moon with it, but it looks ridiculous on her  

anyway, i emailed them, asking for a refund or replacement , explained the situation and told them ii will return the old one when we get a new one. whats my chances? 

 

if it's been printed with name on the back, they don't usually refund or take returns of it. 

[Milo]

On 08/05/2018 at 22:54, Rogstanley said:

Dale Carnegie wasn't writing for a British audience and didn't appreciate our cynicism. I think we Brits tend to prefer sincerity and find someone expressing false interest a bit off putting. Better just to be yourself rather than behaving as the self help books tell you to. Even if you're a bit weird just roll with it and people will appreciate you for who you are. Best thing to remember is that literally nobody at work really gives a crap about you anyway, and that should be liberating.

 

Blimey.

 

Where have you worked?

 

Most of my best mates are people I met at work.

 

I even married someone I worked with 

[Beliall]

9 minutes ago, StanSP said:

if it's been printed with name on the back, they don't usually refund or take returns of it. 

that much i understand, but this is their error, not mine. just wondering what they might do about it

[Strokes]

On 06/05/2018 at 22:58, Izzy Muzzett said:

Thanks mate, very helpful 

 

Another forum I can waste hours of my life on 

If they are too much trouble just eat them.

https://www.npr.org/sections/thesalt/2013/03/12/174105739/from-pets-to-plates-why-more-people-are-eating-guinea-pigs

[FoxesDeb]

2 hours ago, Beliall said:

that much i understand, but this is their error, not mine. just wondering what they might do about it

I would imagine they'll send you the correct one, it's their mistake, not that you've changed your mind. I can't see that they'll be too interested in you returning the wrong one either, after all they can't resell it. But they will definitely have to replace it. 

[Rob1742]

2 hours ago, Beliall said:

that much i understand, but this is their error, not mine. just wondering what they might do about it

Your not being fair though are you? If it’s the wrong size etc, send it back straight away and if it’s their fault they will deal with it.

 

To keep it for a long time and then try it on for the new design, mmmmm, not ethical and unreasonable in my opinion.